Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Baby bump...or what!

We are over the age of 23 and have been married for more than 2 years, and are very happy. We have a great family size home for the two of us in a good area that we will be in for many years to come. I am a college graduate and we both have full-time jobs that are not going anywhere and are pretty flexible. We have traveled to various states and campgrounds over the past years, including a cruise and backpacking Europe. Pretty darn lucky, I would say to all that. We love to eat dessert after dinner and sweets throughout the day, and eat out on the weekends. We have put on a couple or so pounds, so what? We have been thoroughly enjoying life and everything that comes with it. So where am I going with all this? There is no mention of children yet, and a topic that has been a pressing issue on my mind. There is a lot of talk from society, especially here in Utah, for couples like us, and not like us, who have no children yet..."You are done with school!" "This is a big house for just two people!" "You have traveled Europe" "it's your turn now!" These are just some of the main comments directed towards us and many, many others out there. Also, it seems there is a lot of assuming, wondering and behind the back talk that because a woman's stomach may have a few more pounds and padding...maybe they are expecting! Adding a baby to your family is not just some sort of new thing. It is not like getting a new t.v. with a better picture and more buttons to learn, or a newer car that doesn't rattle anymore and goes faster, or even getting married where you have to learn to sleep next to that person and deal with their quirks. You are no longer responsible for just yourself, or a thing, but another person, who cannot care for themselves (your spouse can, for the most part!). You are adding a baby who is so innocent and completely changes everything about your life, how you think, eat, sleep, get ready in the morning, and go throughout the day. You are adding a special spirit to your family who depends on you for their life, as they would literally die without your care. Having a child is a life changing experience that you are "never ready" for, we know that. Someone may have been trying for a month or a year, and the comments may only remind them of the difficulty or emotions that are going on. You just never know. Maybe someone is a couple months along and just doesn't feel comfortable with sharing that information yet. You just never know. Deciding and having a child is a very personal decision and topic to each and every one of us, a decision that is between me, my husband, and God. Please respect that, and all those others who maybe newlyweds or married for 3, 7 or 10 years. There should be no pressure because "that is the next step." There is no cookie cutter pattern to when this next step should take place, it is a personal decision that is sometimes planned and sometimes a surprise, you are ready from the get go, or you need a couple or more years, any way it does not matter. Please think about this and pass the word along. (P.S. if you are one who has made a comment before I hope you don't take offense to any of this, just remember for next time!) In the end, it is ok to talk about children, but just in an unassuming or non-pressuring way. And yes, we are planning on having children (or we wouldn't have bought the new home we did!) WHEN...does anyone ever really know?! That question arouses many mixed feelings of excitement, anticipation, anxiousness and stress...many of you know that and I think would agree 100%. A woman is pregnant for 9 months, plenty of time to talk about it and celebrate at that time. P.P.S. Stop speculating about my stomach, I just LOVE chocolate, OK!

8 comments:

Daija said...

Well said, I completely agree. Enjoy your time together and your chocolate. :)

Maughan"sters" said...

Hey, so I am one of the guilty ones for pestering you about kids! I shouldn't do it to you because I hated when people did it to me! I guess I'm just jealous that you are having so much fun! I probably wouldn't have kids to this day if they weren't surprises!! j/k Kids are definitely a life changing experience and you have to have them when you are ready or somewhat ready to because once you have them, life changes for eternity. Everyone has their own plan in life and we wish you the best life with your husband and future family. We love and support you in all you do.

P.S. I have my "baby bump" still! I have no desire to give up chocolate either and NO time for exercise! VIVA la baby bump!

Lindsey said...

Melina,

So I read this and I completely agree... Sometimes I want to scream some people (who will remain nameless) that constantly ask me about when I am going to have children... There are so many factors that aren't their business. Four years married without a baby... We are a ward/family scandal...

Tricia said...

Nice vent! You already know that I know how you feel. We already talked about the general authority who said at my stake conference, that "having a baby is a decision between the couple and the Lord." Just laugh at the dumb comments people make. Make sure to let them know you want a cabin, 4 wheelers, a boat and a vacation home in Mexico before you have kids. Priorities :)

Tricia said...

PS- You look as good as ever! I would be pleased as punch to be as cute and little as you.

Unknown said...

Hahaha!! You are so great, and right. It's no ones business. Enough said. Celebrating comes after an announcement is made...not pestering and pressuring until you're guilt-tripped into it. Kids come when the Big Man upstairs says it's right for you and your hubby, and no one else.

And for the record, I think my belly is chocolate, twinkies, pretty much anything Hostess makes...I like to watch my calories :)

Unknown said...

I LOVE THIS!! So well said and so true. I also agree about the baby bump or even rubbing your stomach does not mean you are pregnant! Keep enjoying your time together.

Maughan"sters" said...

Brandon said that my last comment made it sound like we don't have any fun! We do, everyday is a fun adventure!